30 Second Post on Moving On

When do we move on?
When our heart finally understands that there’s no turning back.

When can we say that there’s no turning back?
When we stood up for what we believe and feel happy about it. We should not be sorry nor cynical about love. It should rather make us wonder that ‘If we were happy with the wrong one, how much more if the right one comes along?’

When do we feel happy about something?
When we did our best to accomplish it, whether we win or we fail.

When do we fail?
Failure is just a word. Failure is an event, never a person. It would either make us feel bitter or better.

When do we think that we failed?
If we did nothing to succeed. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all. Failure doesn’t mean we are a failure…it just means we haven’t succeeded yet.

When do we succeed?
If we did everything we could to accomplish our goal.Success is a journey, not a destination.

‘You can run from the past. But sometimes the only way to move on is to go back.To face what your life was so you could make it what you want it to be. It’s my time to move on.’

 

TORN

Do you know why people hate to admit that they are lonely? It’s because when you do, everyone thinks something is wrong with you. They think, ‘I have people in my life, why don’t you?’ But the strange thing is, you could have people in your life and still be alone.’
-Lee Wen, The Forgotten

‘The best memories you’ve had will flash infront of you when you’re about to die.’ Good thing it has not happened to me yet. Morbid.

This statement has nothing to do with my post. It’s just that I’m feeling TORN these past few days.

TORN because today is the start of my six days off. I worked dayshift last Friday for thirteen hours (7:30 am to 8:30 pm). Since my colleague was absent during the night shift proceeding that, I continued to work night shift for another thirteen hours (until 8:30 am the next day). After my night shift, I attended the training until five in the afternoon. In short, I worked thirty three hours straight. Beat that. To set things straight, I am not complaining. I just felt like I needed to pamper myself after that. And pampering myself is synonymous to going back to Manila for a quick six-day trip. I was really tempted to book a ticket but I did not because the price was almost RM1,000 (PHP13,500). I know better than to spend money. I decided to save instead and wait since I would be going home on December 29 for my Christmas vacation. Patience is a virtue.

TORN because there is really no place like home. I am TORN between staying here to continue my two year contract until August 2010 or go home and find a job in Manila. I am not getting any younger. If I want to save and have a brighter future, it’s a no-brainer. Staying in Kuala Lumpur is the answer. I browsed jobstreet the other day and found out that there’s a company in Manila looking for a Bahasa Melayu speaker. Henceforth, I would try my best to learn Malaysia’s native language with the help of my colleagues. I would ask them to teach and talk to me as if I’m one of them. Next language on my list: Thai.

TORN because I used to hate it everytime mom sends me an sms before asking where I was and what time would I go home. And at times, if I still had plans of going home. I went out early this afternoon and came home kinda late. I was secretly hoping that somebody will text me to ask me where I was and what time would I go home. Or if i still have plans of going home. I checked my cellphone twice. Nobody did. Freedom at its best. I should be happy.

TORN because I received a very bad news last week. My sixteen year old brother met an accident. The motorbike that he was driving was bumped by a truck. I was not able to do anything but pray that he would be okay. It’s inevitable to feel helpless since I am miles away from my loved ones. But prayers really move mountains. He is getting better now. Some lessons are literally learned in a painful way.

TORN because I want my prayers to be answered immediately. When you aggravate somebody, the first thing that comes to your mind is to make amends. Being the talker that I am, I have said things which I regret in the end. I want Him to make everything alright again. In the end, I asked Him to give me a sign until Friday.
If there’s no sign until then, I also told Him…’Thy will be done.’

TORN because besides my family, I really miss my friends. I sometimes feel that I am deprived of familiar warmth and affection. I need my friends to light up my need for familiar faces, familiar voices, old jokes and tested bond. Well, I maybe feeling nostalgic but it’s one of the most special emotions in the entire human experience
especially now that im longing for the people who are worth-keeping.

     Scottie, my apologies for not being there now that you need me the most.

     Kath, as usual, thanks for the ego-boosting compliments. They’re special since they came from my number one fan.

    Eloisa, thank you for being my bestest best friend. The deal is still on. If we’re both single by the time we’re thirty, I’ll accept your proposal to marry you. Kidding aside, thank you for making me realize how self-centered I was. You might think that I was not listening when you told me that I will never be the center of eveybody’s universe and that, the world does not revolve around me, but those words struck me. People’s lives could go on even without my presence.

    Kuya Topher, nobody could understand what I am going through right now but you. We are on the same boat. A million thanks for listening to my rants and for the late night chat (and sleepless night for me). You’ve been the biggest help. Thanks for confirming that I really was self-centered and for being the big brother I’ve never had. Now you know that I am not a snob. Some people misinterpret me for that(calling Yhen..hehe). You could still spend your vacation here in KL…for a minimal price. The sooner the better.

When you’re in a mess and people ask you ‘how are you?’ Trust me, they don’t want an answer.

I’m TORN. Pray for me.

 

A Tribute to Lola

In a week’s time, All Souls day will be celebrated again. It is always the best time to remember our departed loved ones and relive how they mean to us and how we cherish them.

During this time of the year, the person I remember the most is my late grandmother, Lola Lucing.

Since dad and mom worked abroad when I was still a kid, I grew up with my grandparents and my aunts. Lola Lucing has played a very important role in my younger years. She taught me that being a good boy is the most important thing in the world. She took care of me when I was sick, attended my pre-school activities and  most importantly, shaped me to become the person I am now.
 
Moreover, Lola helped me a lot in strengthening my faith in God. She taught me how to pray the rosary and we attended masses and church events together. It was because of her that I have completed countless ‘Simbang Gabi,’ made wishes after that, and found out that nothing is impossible for those who believe.

It was also because of Lola that I learned to love her favorite movie of all time, ‘The Sound of Music.’ Everytime I hear of this film, I would automatically think of no one  but her. As geeky as it may sound,until now I still memorize some of the classic songs in the film like ‘TheSound of Music,’ ‘Do Re Mi,’ ‘Sixteen Going on Seventeen,’ ‘So Long Farewell,’ ‘Climb Every Mountain,’ ‘Edelweiss,’ and ‘My Favorite Things.’

Five years ago, Lola succumbed to breast cancer. It was the saddest moment in my life. I literally saw her on her death bed at three in the morning. It was something which I would not wish even for my worst enemy to experience. Her wake passed by in a jiffy after that. I saw how Lola’s peers andcontemporaries loved her so much. She really must have done something good.

The first time I went and worked abroad, during family reunions, Lolo’s birthday, Christmases, New Years…yeah, there are still moments when I wish that Lola is still alive. I want her to see that the values and lessons she instilled in me throughout the years have been helping me cope up with the pressures and realities of the present.

I even dream of her at times. I am always happy everytime I see her in my dreams. I know that she’s already an angel who continues to guide and protect our family. And as the lyrics of ‘My Favorite Things’ say, and I quote,  ‘When the dog bites, when the bees sting, when I’m feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.’

The years I’ve spent with Lola Lucing will forever be one of my favorite things in life.

Lola’s memories will forever linger in me, like the sweetest music ever played.

 

This Time I’ll Make It Right

This is a repost and my official entry to the 2009 Pinoy Expats Blog Awards…

(Please vote for us: #35 Flamindevil #34 Topexpress #33 Bonistation..You could vote up to 10 bloggers at the same time. You could only vote once per IP address. Here’s the link: http://pinoyexpatsblogawards.com/ )

I have been a call center hopper before. Since it’s pretty easy to jump from one call center company to another when I was still in Manila, I made the most out of it. My first company catered for outbound clients. I stayed there for five months. After I bought a fridge for my parents as a Christmas gift in the year 2003, I resigned. A string of applications and resignations followed after that. The rest, as they say, was history. Now I am here in Kuala Lumpur working my ass off.I sometimes feel that I am very tired to go to work. I sometimes feel like laziness has gotten the best of me. But I’m proud to say though, that I have never been tardy since I started working here in August 2008. Being abroad helps me mature fast. As what I’ve said before, I’m already starting to learn how to look at the bigger picture in making decisions.  Though physically I still look young and cute maybe because of my height, wow I’m ageless according to my peers, mentally and emotionally I’ve matured. I dun have a choice anyway. Being away from my comfort zone, I realized that I can’t depend on anybody but myself. At least I can’t blame anybody and I’ve prepared myself to the consequences that my decisions will bring. I firmly believe that if I felt good about something I did as long as I did not do anything to aggravate anybody, it’s absolutely right. I realized that I’m one of the luckiest people in the world because I’m working abroad despite of the current global crisis. Countless people lose their jobs everyday and I’m not one of them. Though I have clients who can really be a pain in the ass sometimes, at least I still have clients who appreciate what I do for them. A simple ‘thank you’ could really make the day of a call center agent. Yeah, we are sometimes bombarded with information overload, but it’s better than staying at home and earning nothing. Thank God I am a PINOY and I’m very proud of it. The work ethics which was instilled in me through my previous jobs could really save the day. Some of my colleagues are really, really, really, err, lazy. They call in sick and report for work thirty minutes after the shift started. I’m glad that call centers in Manila are really strict in terms of attendance and performance.Even if I am dead tired everytime I go home, I always see to it that my company would feel lucky because they have a Filipino employee in their center. Besides being the hope for the nation, Filipinos are gift to the world. We know how and when to be patient. We know when to keep our mouths shut and when to explain our sides in a courteous way. I was easy-go-lucky before…This Time I’ll Make It Right.

I have failed many times in this crazy thing called ‘love.’ I’ve been bruised, damaged, hurt and my ego was shattered with and without my consent. Now I’ve learned that if I have to love again, it is because I want to, not because I have to. Love was the reason why I felt empty. Love was the one that made my tears fall as if I was dying. Love broke my heart and stopped my breath. I used to think that love was not great because it’s a gentle death. I’m too tired to play games. Now I realized that in relationships, it is impossible to find someone who will never hurt you. So I’ll go for the one who makes all the pain worth it. I’m positive that I will find that someone soon. I’m still weighing the pros and cons though. I hope as soon as I get to my senses, I would be ready to love again and I promise myself…This Time I’ll Make It Right.

I am nowhere near perfect. I eat when I’m bored. I’m vulnerable to believing lies. I’m hoping that one day I won’t need a fake smile. I live by quotes that explain exactly what I’m going through. I make up excuses for everything. I have true friends and critics. I have good memories and a share of dramas. I really appreciate it that there are many people (if I say ‘many,’ I mean it) who love the imperfect me unconditionally. They are the reason why giving up has never been an option for me.And because of them…This Time I’ll Make It Right.

Smile. It makes a world of difference. Dance. Who knows when I won’t be able to? Cry. Holding the emotions inside is bad for me. Kiss. It’s the most wonderful thing in this world. Laugh. What’s the point of hiding my happiness?Frown. Why not let them know that I’m unhappy? Apologize. I dun wanna lose friends. Hug. There’s no better feeling than being wrapped up close to someone I love. Live. Because life is everything. Pray. For God’s guidance and to be an inspiration to others. Be positive.  That This Time I could really Make It Right!

 

Glee!

I was having second thoughts before I started downloading this. For one, the show is about a high school glee club and you might react as I did initially: I wanted no part of that. I’m not a musicals kinda guy.

I have to admit, however, that no matter what you’ve been led to believe, Glee is not a straight-to-your-face musical.   It’s just a show that happens to be about people who sing, and there’s a big difference.  People in Glee don’t, for a start, just break out into song randomly and sing their way through their day.  They sing in Glee club.

Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison) is a high school Spanish teacher who takes over a pathetic glee club filled with misfits. He is inspired by recalling the one time he was truly happy — when he sang in his own high school glee club. In a healthy way, he’s going to channel his nostalgia into making the club, called New Directions, glow:  ‘There’s no joy in these kids…. That’s why they all have a MySpace page,’ he says.

This comedy from creator Ryan Murhy (Nip/Tuck) is so good, so funny, so bulging with vibrant characters—that you would actually love it. Glee will not stop until it wins you over utterly.

The show rests on characters so overused that it could have been cliche figures, but these actors bring fresh details to them.  Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), the persecuted girl who is so determined to become famous and so convinced of her talent (to which she says, ‘Being anonymous is worse than being poor’); Finn (Cory Monteith), the football quarterback with a voice fit for an ’80s power ballad; Mercedes (Amber Riley), the plus-size diva who believes that she should not be a back-up singer because ’she is Beyonce, and she ain’t no Kelly Rowlands;’ Kurt (Chris Colfer), the gay guy; Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz), a stutterer whose affliction conveniently disappears when she sings; Artie, a spectacled, guitar-wielding geek in a wheelchair; and of course, the ever-brilliant Jane Lynch (as cheerleading coach Sue), the queen of deadpan delivery (‘You wanna be good. You wanna be a star. Face it, you wanna be me.’)
 
In a nutshell, Glee is all about sparking ambition, getting kids off the sofa and doing creative things. But it also has a healthy dose of sarcasm and skepticism to offset its peppy interpretations of Journey hits. The production numbers show the sweat and constructive criticism that goes into good performances.

However we look at it, Glee is still the little musical-comedy-drama that could…bomb. As terrific as it is, it’s a risk. Why? Because there’s nothing else like it on TV. So far, in the first three episodes, the show has given us its own renditions of popular songs like Rehab (Amy Winehouse), Mercy (Duffy) and Take a Bow (Rihanna).

Honestly, I was persuaded by Glee’s cagey little mind as well as its big, throbbing heart. I think you will be too.

 

Lessons from Farmville

Farmville fever is still on. At least for me. At least for my baby brother Owa. He even gave me his email address and password so that I could tend his farm. I’m flattered.

So what have I learned from the tedious task of taking care of my farm?

1. You could not please everybody. Your farm may look perfect to you but to others, it may still look like crap. Maybe they’re envious of my farm. haha. It’s just good that I don’t have ‘Barn Buddy’ because for sure, these green-eyed monsters would put pests to pester me. (Is this figure of speech called alliteration, anyone?) Well, maybe we should bear in mind that as long as something makes us happy,it
is definitely right. Nobody could tell us that we did a good job but ourselves.

2. Friends are important. They give us free gifts in Farmville. I had 29 unused gifts last week because I could not put them anywhere yet. But now that my farm is big enough, I will surely reap the benefits. Friends support you in every possible way that they can. It’s the quality of your friends that counts, not the quantity.

3. Pay it forward. As cliche as it may sound, it is still better to give than to receive (Merry Christmas!). Give free gifts to your friends once in a while. Some of them even have special requests. Be it animals or a white fence like Tsi, just give in to them, especially when they start showing you those puss-in-boots-pleading-eyes.

4. The value of work. You have to work hard and save your coins or money to buy the things you would like to have in your farm. Currently, I’m saving for ‘greenhouse.’ It costs 100,000 coins and I have to wait until I reach Level 30. Patience is indeed a virtue. And Farmville has been testing my patience time and again.

5. Motivation. So what motivates you to increase your level in Farmville? Is it the bragging rights that you are the top farmer amongst your friends? Is it your collection of trees and/or animals? Is it your desire to help your neighbors? Is it the most expensive building you could possibly get? Whatever it is, if you have motivation to do something, then nothing is impossible.

6. Brag all you want. You could be the wealthiest farmer but at the end of the day, you’re still ALONE in your farm. You may have your neighbors but NOBODY’s living with you in your farm. Why didn’t Farmville include ‘people’ for you to spend your coins with? Maybe it teaches us another important thing, money could not buy us companionship.

(There’s gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me…)

So what did Farmville teach you?

Off-topic:

Thank you to my blogger friends who gave me these wonderful shirts during the GEB last 04-Sep-09. Thank you to our sponsor, Kuya Bernard and Tivoli Garden Residences. And most especially, thank you to all the bloggers I met. The event was a blast.

 

Dreams Do Come True

1. I celebrated my birthday in KL last year. Words could not describe how lonely I felt. It was the first time I celebrated it away from my family and friends. I haven’t had many friends in this foreign country yet during that time. I told myself that it would never happen again. So four months ago, I booked a return flight from KL to Manila. My dream is finally coming true. I’ll be in the comforts of our home on my birthday.

Two days ago, I called my mom. I still haven’t told them that I’d be going home on September 4. I want to give them the best surprise yet. I told her that I sent a package which will be delivered on Friday morning. Mom was very happy. She said that they would not be there to get it though. Dad already left to spearhead an activity for their office in Baguio. Mommy and Owa will follow him on Friday morning. I told her do not leave until the very cute package arrives. 

Now who’s surprised?

2. Months ago, while Kuya Bluguy and I were chatting, he mentioned to me that he’ll be coming back to the Philippines. When he found out that I also have plans to return this September, we thought of having a mini eb (eyeball) with some of our blogger friends. And now it’s finally coming true. I bet all of us are excited to meet the faces behind the names.

 

3. I received a confirmation email from Philippine Blog Awards. It is really a humbling experience to be an official nominee and to compete with the best blogs in the blogosphere. This is really one of the best birthday gifts I’ve ever received. I have to thank Otep because he was the one who nominated my blog.

I started this mediocre blog on January 19, 2009 to literally kill time. I’ve also mentioned again and again that I am a frustrated writer. This nomination is just a confirmation that inexperienced writers like me could also make it. This is just a personal blog. I know i don’t write perfectly. I’m scared when I started this. I sometimes get confused on what to write. I’m insecure about some things but I definitely know who I am. There are no impossible things for people who believe that they can. And so my header says, ‘If I Can, I Will because I’m GOOD at it!’

 ***I’ll be back in Manila for seven days so I would not be able to open my blogsite religiously. Rest assured, all comments, suggestions and violent reactions are noted.

 

Surprisingly

Surprisingly, I’m in the mood for blogging. I’ve just finished visiting some of the blog sites I frequent. As usual, some posts inspired me, some made me laugh like crazy, some taught me new things. Learning possibilities in the blogosphere are really endless.

Last night was my third night shift. I’ll be working for four consecutive thirteen-hour night shifts. One night to go. Surprisingly, it’s already 06:00 am and I do not feel sleepy yet.

It’s supposed to be a busy night due to an ongoing travel fair in Singapore and our contact center is the support for the event. Surprisingly, I only had three calls during my thirteen-hour shift. Applause.

I just finished ‘Coming Soon,’ a Thai Horror movie. My Thai colleague/housemate Krist (I call him ‘Pi,’ which means ‘big brother’ or ‘kuya‘) recommended the film. Surprisingly, it was dang crappy. It made the Star Cinema movie ‘Villa Estrella’ (one of the campiest horror movies to date) a superb one.

I’m wearing a bonnet and a scarf right now because it is freaking cold in our contact center. Surprisingly, I’m still freezing.

I made a list of what I have to accomplish today. I’ll reach my apartment before 09:00 am. I have to sleep only until 01:00 pm. After waking up, I have to prepare and take a forty minute train ride in going to LBC where I usually send money. By 03:00 pm, I have to be in Lowyatt (a place where computer stuffs could be found. It’s KL’s version of Greenhills) already. It’s a thirty minute travel from LBC to Lowyatt. I’m planning to purchase an external hard drive so that I could transfer all the movies and porns I downloaded because my laptop is running out of memory. I’m also planning to buy a laptop bag (backpack style) so that it would be easier for me to travel back to Manila on Thursday night. Before 06:00 pm today, I would have to be on my way back in order to go straight to the office for another night shift. It’s really a hectic day. Surprisingly, I’m excited.

I’ll be back in Manila on Friday. The Cebu Pacific Flight will arrive at 05:00 am. Yeah, it’s only a seven-day vacation but I promise to make the most out of it. Surprisingly, I’m not thinking about the quantity but the quality of my trip back home.

Manila, here I come!

 

No Apologies

I have not updated my blog for the longest time and I won’t apologize for that (grins). So what have I been doing for the past few days?

Sleep. Glorious sleep. Even superheroes need rest. I’ve taken advantage of my rest days to recharge before I continue my never-ending quest to conquer the world.

Facebook. Yeah, I’m guilty prioritizing my farm in Farmville and taking care of my pet ‘Lingling’ in Pet Society. I’ve already reached Level 21 and there’s no stopping me. There are times when the first thing I think of when I wake up in the middle of the night is to harvest my crops. It’s making me crazy. And of course, I also keep myself busy by answering some quizzes and buying some friends to be my slave in Friends for Sale.

Gym. In a span of one month, I lost 12 lbs. Applause. Besides going to the gym, I also see to it that I don’t eat anything after 6pm as much as I can. But don’t expect me to have a Survivor-worthy body. I just wanted to lose some excess weight to prepare myself for the Mossimo Bikini Summit. hahaha

Tagalog Shows. Boys Over Flowers has just ended last week. At first I thought the list of the shows that I usually watch will shorten but boy, I was wrong! The ever-beautiful, lovely, sexy, perfect Marian Rivera’s ‘Darna’ already started. ‘Survivor Philippines 2-Palau’ has also started to grace the boob tube (in my case, the
Filipino streaming sites) with a bang. The newest edition of ‘Starstruck’ will
be shown on Monday, and the list goes on.

Movies and TV Shows. I never fail to download the weekly episodes of Top Chef and Hell’s Kitchen. These two almost have the same format. Almost. Except the latter is more devious because of Chef Gordon Ramsay. Horror-Suspense Films also kept me glued to my laptop. Some films which are worth-mentioning are ‘The Haunting in Connecticut,’ ‘Orphan,’ ‘The Last House on the Left’ and ‘Friday the 13th.’

Jobstreet. I can’t help it. I’m doing the inevitable. During my spare time, I see to it that I submit my CV and try my luck. There’s no harm in trying anyway. Luckily, our ever-friendly IT’s have not blocked Jobstreet, yet. Yeah, I’ve considered applying in some companies in Manila. If the price is right, then why not?

Pasalubong. I’m doing some last-minute pasalubong for my family and friends. I’m going home next week for a long vacation. Seven days. And yup, I have yet to buy some keychains and chocolates which I promised to give to some people on September 4.

___________________________________

Off-Topic: I received an sms from one of my dearest blogger-friends, RevSiopao and I quote ‘Pls save the dates:Dec 7-Priestly Ordination, 9am, St.Joseph Cathedral Balanga, Bataan/ Dec8-First Mass, 7pm, St.John the Baptist Parish, Pinaglabanan,
San Juan, MM.’

To RevSiopao, I’m really happy with the good news. Everybody in the blogosphere
misses you. Keep rocking on and continue inspiring us. God bless you.

I would also like to thank another blogosphere friend, Pareng Otep, for the picture
below that he did for me. Don’t forget to bring my shirt on September 4 because I
would not be wearing one.

 

Don’t You Just Hate It When…

1.You’re not in the mood for no particular reason?

2.You accidentally cut your finger with a razor? Clumsiness at its best.

3.You find it difficult to sleep after a tiresome night shift?

4.Youtube will be phasing out support for your browser in the office soon? Dang. Night shifts will definitely be very boring.

5.You could not find a site to download the full episodes of ‘Fairly Odd Parents?’Anti-fairies are really strong nowadays.

6.Two of the shortest words in the English language are ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ and yet, they are often the ones that require most thought before they are spoken?

7.People around you create their own little drama of pure insecurity?

8.‘Nobody nobody bachu’ kept on playing in your head over and over and over again? (Please leave me alone!)

9.It’s hard to believe that it’s more important to be happy than to be right?

10.Dead end signs are really kinder than human? They at least have the decency to tell you that you’re going nowhere.

11.People believe you not for what you say but how you say it?

12.You keep on ruining the perfectly beautiful petals of the flower when you know from the start that she loves you not?

13.You’re vulnerable to believing lies?

14.Some people you consider friends left you without a glance?

15.You were very prepared with your photoshoot and then you realized afterwards that you forgot to set the right date on your digicam? For the record, these pics were taken on 14-Aug-2009.